Tonight I'm sitting here at a different computer. My computer crashed last week. It is currently in the shop. We're going to have it back this weekend, but that puts all of my business plans on hold for another week. It is a set back that we wish we could have avoided. We had high asperations for this project, we still do, but it seems that we'll have to wait.

I find myself thinking about many things lately. My perception of things has altered somewhat over the past couple years. I'd like to think I've become more "down to earth" as a result of all of this change. However, some might think that I've become increasingly lofty in my thinking which would be quite the contrary to how I see it.

Interestingly enough I was sitting down with our local study group when I realized just how different my view of the world has become.

I used to be very nature based in my spirituality. I was learning and I tried to ascribe to a more shamanic and wicca based spritual approach to life. However, I have come to find that this no longer suits my personal connection with spiritual entities and it doesn't allow me the tools that I need to work through the spiritual issues that have been set before me.

My view of divinity has shifted from a "god" & "goddess" view to more of divinity being a universal energy that flows in all things. It is a more connected approach.

Point of fact, I have never been comfortable with asking a diety to intercede on my behalf. I don't like the idea of my fate being at the hands of others, even if they are considered of divine origin. However, I have not quite mastered how I am supposed to acheive a state of being that would allow me to act on my own behalf.

Do not mistake me. I see divine energy in all things. I feel it and I know that it is there to be tapped into and communicated with. However, I find myself somewhat perplexed by many things lately. For me it leads to a more spiritual approach, perhaps a more metaphysical one pertaining to the concept of transcendence or ascention rather than that of a simple passing. It seems to me that there is more to this life and that we should be striving for more. Perhaps seeking to attain some sort of perfection in and of our own person.

Or perhaps I'm just raving mad. Either way it is food for thought tonight and I'm sure that it will be lingering on for many weeks and months to come. It is an issue that is not easily resolved after all.

The new year has gotten off to a fairly rough start.

My roommate managed to bring home a very nasty illness which she and I both ended up getting and dealing with. While I am on the mend now and feeling much better than I was in the first few days of the year, thanks to the illness I had to put some of my resolutions on hold rather than embracing them with the gusto that I had anticipated. This was mainly due to a complete lack of energy or ability to get out of bed. In fact, I did little except sleep.

Once I started getting better over the weekend after enjoying a movie with my husband on our computer, I was excited about getting back to work on the website business and getting it up and running. I have some final touches to put on. Monday, I took my husband to work and came home to find that the computer was practically dead in the water. In fact, even as I write this, it will not run in anything other than safe-mode.  So working on the site was out of the question. In fact, my intenet is iffy at best. So rather than get frustrated with continually losing my work on the site, we're putting the computer in the shop and hoping for the best.

Worst case scenario, we end up buying a new computer though. And fortunately my mother has a spare to loan me while we're having ours worked on.

Being back up to par, I'm mulling over some new novel ideas. It is a year of change for me. In fact, I'm considering finding an editor to work with on my projects. Perhaps a "book doctor" or a "writing coach". Ultimately, I think I've been lacking in moral support over the course of the past year.

Starting "The Artist's Way" for the umpteenth time in my life, I find that the process if just as pertinent now as it was more than ten years ago when I was first introduced to the book by a former editor.

When we don't continually work with the blockages and allow ourselves to slip into the same sort of blocked consciousness it is unbelievable how difficult it can be to work through them again to get to the heart of the creative process.

It is a largely spiritual journey. That is something that many people overlook. It is a journey that I'm quite excited about taking once again. I have missed the creative side of my life. There  have been other outlets like sewing, web design, and even scrapbooking but nothing quite like the writing. None of those are quite as rewarding for me as the writing. So I'm looking forward to getting my work out to the public at large again. In fact, I'm thinking seriously about offering some of my work via the web for free as opposed to getting so focused on publishing for money again.

We'll just have to see how the year plays out.

The New Year is practically upon us. Only one full day left of the year 2008 and I find myself using it to do some serious reflecting on what I've managed to accomplish this year and looking forward to what I hope to accomplish for 2009.

For all who know me, they will be quick to tell you that this has been a difficult year for me and my family. My husband and I began 2008 living in a hotel. We then took a great risk buying a home in a neighboring town and then found ourselves without any income when my husband was laid off. We nearly lost the home before he could find another job, and even as I write this, the house issue is up in the air as we are unable to contact the homeowner's assistance program with our mortgage holder.

The home issue is one of little importance now. My husband has finally found a good job and we're going to be fine whether it is in this house or not. So that part is behind us, in a manner of speaking.

2008 leaves us with a roof over our heads, a wonderful family, and dear friends.

With regards to my resolutions. I've made the resolutions that most people make regarding health but I've also put more focus on a healthy and balanced lifestyle. Eating a balanced and sound diet, taking on a yoga practice, doing more cardio, doing my part for the environment by recycling more and looking at using recycled materials.

As a family we're supporting a local Natural Foods Store and a local meat and vegetable Co-Op. We're also looking into making more regular practices part of our daily lives on a more spiritual level. Daily meditations, Bi-monthly rituals for taking the time to just be and take note of the natural cycles of the earth.

Personally, I've made resolutions that will enable me to get back to being creative. Work on my books has been lacking this past year. I'm taking on The Artist's Way in earnest again to jump-start my creativity and I'm endeavoring to blog more often and enjoy some new friendships by way of correspondence.

So with all of that being said. I'm going back to enjoying some quality time with the little one and the rest of my family as we come to this juncture. I'll see you all on the other side in 2009.

May everyone have a blessed and Happy New Year no matter where you find yourselves.

It's Christmas Morning and I'm sitting here at the computer alone looking around our home with a particular sense of helplessness. It has been a difficult week. And it is funny that it is only one particular thing that vexes me on this day.

Point of fact, it is exactly 52 degrees farenheight in our home. I'm sitting here with a small electric heated fan at my feet and wrapped in a quilt that my great grandmother made when I was about six. I am wearing a pair of my husband's socks, as I hate socks generally speaking, but this is somehow necessary. To that end, I am quite happy to have them on. Our home has hardwood floors which would leave me even colder than I am right now.

Before I get too much on my soapbox in relating the events leading up to today, let me focus on the positive. There is much to be happy about and thankful for. We have a modest but beautiful home. The Christmas/Yule Tree that we put up is beautifully decorated. There is a heap of presents on the floor below the multi-colored lights. Thus we've ensured that those we love will have a wonderful holiday including my parents, his parents, and our little one.

There is food in our fridge waiting for the feast tomorrow. Though I had to give away the 20 pound turkey that I was going to cook for our family gathering tomorrow. (more on that in a moment) My 30th birthday is tomorrow and will be filled with family, friends, and a little girl ripping into the packages that her father and I carefuly picked out for her. There will be laughter, warmth, and sharing of the best Yuletide in a good long while for me.

Yet, something overshadows it all.

Like many people, we've struggled through lay-offs and unemployment. We have been fortunate though. When my husband had takent the temp job back in the summer we opted to let our natural gas go in an effort to keep food on the table and the electricity on so that we could still cook in the microwave. We have a gas range in this house. So when this time of year rolled around and my husband is working a much better job we decided to host the holidays here. Having the gas turned on so that I could cook for my family and our own.

We also have gas central heat here. Which means that as the temperature plummets to below 30 degrees here so does the temperature in our house. With three adults, it wasn't such a big deal However, when a ten year old girl is in the house, and complains of the cold, we have a big problem.

Two weeks ago, I went to pay the deposit on the gas and set up to have it turned on. I was told it would take two weeks. In the middle of winter, two weeks is a long time.  But, given the situation I thanked them and went to patiently wait. The scheduler set the date for the 23rd.

By the 23rd I was excited. It was cold. We'd gone out the previous night to eat just to be in somewhere warm and get a hot meal. However, the morning of the 23rd. I was snuggled up to my husband to keep warm in our bedroom. I woke early since there had to be someone over the age of 18 home to allow them to turn it on. Furthermore she told me that it could be anytime between 8 and 5. The bedroom is right beside our porch. In fact there is a door from the porch that goes into our bedroom. My best friend, our roommate, left for work and I got out of bed about 10:30. I put on coffee, and went to work on my usual website business.

Noon: the hubby gets up to get ready for work. He won't be home until two or three in the morning. The gas company still hasn't arrived. No one has knocked on our door. No one has phoned, with the exception of my husband's partner on the job.

I go out to check the mail on the stoop and what do I find but a yellow ticket where the gas company claims that they have come and no one was home.

I called the gas company. Explained the situation: I was home, he didn't even knock on the door, and that I needed this done today. They assure me someone will be back out before five. I calm a bit. I tell my husband to go ahead and take the car and our check card so he could get lunch stuff at the store. I called my roommates work kto let her know that she would have to walk home or find a ride since I was without a vehicle. Then, I called my mother to firm up plans for the 26th. We were chatting, things were good. Then four o'clock rolled around. I figured I better call and make sure things were still a go.

They weren't. Someone had rescheduled the order for Monday. They were supposed to call and advise me that an overtime charge would have to be paid before five in order to send a tech out because the tech had been here.

I saw red. An hour of arguing ensued. I had no way to pay this fee, nor do I feel I should have had to pay it. I was here when the tech said he was here. He didn't even attempt to knock on the door.

Supervisors, managers, and a television station later; I was calling my family to cancel Christmas. I called a friend to come and get the 20 pound turkey. It was just going to go to waste as it needed to be cooked in the next few days. And then I thought about our daughter and how she was going to be cold and I broke down.

Thank the Gods that I called my mother when I did. She and my stepfather talked about it and the next thing I knew we had the Christmas thing worked out. He's smoking a turkey and a roast to bring. Everything else can conceiveably be done in the microwave. On top of that, they are going to bring us a kerosene heater for the winter as well.

So this morning as I sit here contemplating all the things that we have, I can't help but feel a sense of helplessness this season. It seems like everytime something starts to go our way, something comes along and knocks us down. Maybe that's just life.

Don't get me wrong I'm very thankful for all that we have. But it seems like no matter what we do there is always something fighting us just below the surface.

Hope everyone has a Merry Christmas. Enjoy the ones you love.

Yule has come and gone, of course. Still there are family holidays to plan for and finish out the year with. However, I found it quite odd that I stumbled upon this networking site at this particular time.

I'm a big believer in synchronicity. I honestly think that this is a simple matter of seeing that principle or concept in action.

At our Yule Celebration my local discussion group was talking about how things often just fall in your lap or come together when you're ready to make changes or accept a change that has been inevitably happening in your path. For some of us this was eximplified by a Yule gift that I gave which was a collection of ancient occult texts for the group to use in discussions. I simply wanted to make sure that all involved would have the reading materials that we were going to be discussion at our weekly meetings. However, the disks were full of over 200 texts that I had gathered in e-book format. However, this simply gesture spawned a discussion about how several of us were feeling a pull to reach a little further and become more spiritual.

Our group exists to grow and learn from one another. We are eager to get through the New Year holiday and resume our normal weekly meetings, where we will delve into the study of the texts which includes many Caballa based studies and an in-depth look at alchemy and self-transformation.

This site is, I'm sure, going to be a bit of a catalyst to that end.

I have many plans for 2009. Certainly it is to be a year of major changes both for the world at large and for me personally. I'm sure this is going to be a good place for me to chronicle those changes and share the journey with other like-minded people.

I've only just begun this journey on here. And I'm hoping that this community will help me by being thought-provoking and asking me questions that I may not have thought to answer about myself and how I view this world we currently live in.